Andy telling it like it is.
Reporter: You're the first person ever to win two Olympic tennis gold medals. That's an extraordinary feat, isn't it?
Andy Murray: I think Venus and Serena have won about four each.
Some ideas just clicked together in the right way in my head and I realized something: Eventually on Mastodon I'm going to get told I should try out Linux by someone who was born after the first time I installed Linux
I'd put money on there being a higher regret rate for Harry Potter tattoos than gender affirming care
Shitposting to troll the 'but the economy' people every time they demand human sacrifice for the economy's sake
Condensed Frank Herbert:
1: "I feel very optimistic about Dune, Planet of Death!" said the Duke.
2: "ARG! I die!" said the Duke.
3: "Hey, can I be, like, your messiah?" said the boy to the nomads.
4: "ARG I die!" said the baron.
5: "Jihad is just marketing, right?"
6: "Galactic genocide sucked. At least I'll always have Chani."
"ARG I die!" said Chani.
7: "I am both a grieving widower and married to a hateful woman. At least things can't get worse."
Narrator: Things got worse.
"What is the answer to 5B?"
"Competition in the labour market leads to efficiencies in wage costs"
"Correct, so why did you put "Workers of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains"
Jamie Lee Curtis vows to 'defend' her trans daughter: 'I love Ruby'
Oscar-winner Jamie Lee Curtis doubled-down on her support for trans rights and opened up about her fight to protect her daughter, Ruby Guest.
I will never not share this story whenever it crosses my feed. Never.
![ME: sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago
Get startled by phone ringing
It's one of my players
Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?"
Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?"
OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif
Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot."
Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them.
NaniTheFuck.mp3
Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?"
Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister.' Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure."
Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg
Me: "You ready for a story about…(DM IMPROV SKILLS
ENGAGE)...the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?"
Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises)
I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night.
Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him.
I am the dumb dumb mister.](/proxy/post_attachment/19443/592badbb5f.png "ME: sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago
Get startled by phone ringing
It's one of my players
Me: \"Dude, it's midnight, you good?\"
Friend: \"Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?\"
OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif
Me: \"Uh, sure? Shoot.\"
Friend: \"My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them.
NaniTheFuck.mp3
Me: \"She listens to us to fall asleep?\"
Friend: \"Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister.' Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler.\" Me: \"Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure.\"
Friend: \"Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room.\" (pause) \"Okay, you're on speaker.\" Me: \"Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon.\" Daughter: (Happy gasp) \"Dumb dumb Mister!\" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg
Me: \"You ready for a story about…(DM IMPROV SKILLS
ENGAGE)...the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?\"
Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises)
I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night.
Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him.
I am the dumb dumb mister.")
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he'd got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
"Okay, follow me," he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.
Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES!" all the other bats screamed in a frenzy.
"GOOD," shouted the bat, "BECAUSE I FUCKING DIDN'T!"
"I took 1 star reviews of #Barbie from furious men on letterboxd and put them on the posters because it makes the film seem ever cooler."
That last one has to be a guy who doesn't understand why he is so attracted to the Kens.
#Feminist #PinkAcidTrip #Gay #AlienatingDangerousAndPerverse
https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/1683058689224179712
It’s quite terrifying how profoundly mindless these tech bro pseudo-prophets are - apparently incapable of understanding the world around them beyond the silliest level of superficiality, and yet enabled to have an outsized influence on the lives of future generations.
Little feel good story for ya this morning. You know there are professional mermaids? That is, people who earn a living pretending to be mermaids for entertainment purposes? Well, there are. And one of them saved a scuba diver's life in Florida. It was last fall, but hey. I thought it was cool, especially since the mermaid in question started off not knowing how to swim.
Also, gratuitous mermaid pictures. The mermaid lying on the beach is the woman who saved the scuba diver.
Also, I may need to get myself a mermaid tail. I got one for my niece a couple years ago and she loved it but now seems over it. I always wanted one. Now I can afford it. Mostly.
https://news.yahoo.com/professional-mermaid-saves-scuba-diver-110654735.html
I had to explain to a 12yo that not long before she was born, you made a computer display by sucking all the air out of an enormous glass box and then painting one side of it with special paint that sometimes glowed and then applying 2000V to a little bit of hot wire so you ripped electrons out of it and using electromagnets to steer the electrons to hit the special paint so that it glowed, and she seemed increasingly suspicious that I was pulling her leg and at the end she just said "that seems.. ..very inefficient?" and now I feel like a walking exhibit at a mediaeval blacksmithing museum
Hero Kerch bridge promoted to rollercoaster for service to Russian Federation
Biden Administration FDA APPROVES FIRST OVER THE COUNTER BIRTH CONTROL PILL
No one surpasses Mitch McConnell in shamelessness. It’s a damning indictment of the U.S. political and media cultures that this constitutes his greatest competitive advantage - a near-unbeatable superpower in the context of a deeply unhealthy polity.
There are two types of cats: murder and doofus.
#caturday #cat #cats #catstodon #catsofmastodon #murdercat #humor #humour #funny
